The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
