sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
