so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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