You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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