i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
