Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need a beard to bite.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
