she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
