you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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