I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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