ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
