I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
