i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
