just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize