Say something about gay babies.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
