What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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