Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need a burrito and a hug.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
