He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
