Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
