Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
