Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
