I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
