you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
