You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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