I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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