I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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