did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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