The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
BRING THE BAGELS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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