New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
