Please don't use social media to get back at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
