Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
