All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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