did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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