I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
