I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
