Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
