so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
