he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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