You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
