Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
