Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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