Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Send help, water and tortillas.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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