It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
