youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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