Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
