he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
