I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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