I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
