I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
