guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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