I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
