and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
