I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
