Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
