But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Randomize
