she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
