I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize