If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
