The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
