meet me or not, i'm out of control
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When did angry sex become our thing?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
