I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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