He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
