Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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