guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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