Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
