awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's never too late to be topless.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
