She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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