I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
