you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
