...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
