And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
