She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
